The Unique Sentence site is on hiatus.
I used to maintain this site to give me practice learning new web frameworks. However, at the moment I'm between frameworks and haven't updated it in ages, and don't have time to maintain the old code properly and securely as my web server pushes on to PHP 7 and beyond.
However, I think the collection of unique sentences was too valuable(!) to lose, so here is a simple one-page listing of all the sentences that were ever submitted. I'm afraid you can't submit new sentences at the moment.
| Sentence | Circumstances | Sumbitter | Submitted on | Rating |
| Holy Val Doonican on a stick, Batman! | gothick | 18 Apr 2007 | 3.2500 | |
| Do me a favour, and light that monkey for me. | gothick | 21 Apr 2007 | 4.1667 | |
| Would you ask that turtle to itch my ankle. | halandrowly | 22 Apr 2007 | 4.1250 | |
| Don't forget to hang your toast up! | gothick | 5 May 2007 | 4.0000 | |
| One small step for a Welshman, one giant leek for mankind! | gothick | 28 Apr 2007 | 3.9167 | |
| I can't believe anyone is desperate enough to buy a dead squirrel on a motorcycle. | Nadezhda | 9 May 2007 | 4.5556 | |
| I have a badger's penis bone, always a great way to start a conversation. | Nadezhda | 9 May 2007 | 4.3333 | |
| Ssh. The fart god will hear you. | Kavey | 9 May 2007 | 3.5556 | |
| You can't expect me to suck my coffee through a broken penguin! | justbecky | 9 May 2007 | 4.5556 | |
| You haven't heard tiddles until you've heard her in the original Klingon. | floyd | 10 May 2007 | 2.8750 | |
| Well you're going to get hairballs if you suck the foot of a monkey. | Said to our son (with complete lack of sympathy) by his grandmother, after chewing on his toy monkey's foot | halandrowly | 15 May 2007 | 4.5714 |
| Oy! Stop sniffing his ducks. | halandrowly | 15 May 2007 | 3.2222 | |
| Money cannot buy you a bladder infection. | heyjude | 18 May 2007 | 3.7778 | |
| Oh yeah? And my arse is a spongecake! | goswoppit | 18 May 2007 | 2.8750 | |
| Grannies rock at hip-hop! | gothick | 20 May 2007 | 3.6250 | |
| There's a certain Guevarian influence in Paddington | while discussing Paddington Bear at a barbecue... | gothick | 21 May 2007 | 3.5000 |
| Whose coat is that jacket? | ianadavies | 23 May 2007 | 3.7500 | |
| Don't wee in your yogurt! | My girlfriend talking to her pet rat | ianadavies | 23 May 2007 | 4.1111 |
| What the hell do you do with a dead penguin? Play with it in the Bath? | Discussing Taxidermy on Ebay, again. | Nadezhda | 24 May 2007 | 4.1429 |
| Don't eat a personal stereo or you'll catch scarlet fever. | deanpresho | 24 May 2007 | 3.6000 | |
| Frankie Howerd is my spirit guide | Discussing innuendo | Nadezhda | 28 May 2007 | 3.4000 |
| That shit'll burn the chest hair off a Mexican. | Was making a spicy dish and my boss suggested I put some hot Sambala sauce in it, but gave me a grave warning when using said sauce. | culminare | 29 May 2007 | 3.7500 |
| Anchovies are not the source of my problems! | andre | 31 May 2007 | 3.5714 | |
| Call me Moon-Carrot, it's my spirit name. | Said by my most excellent friend Rob Blackwell after a night of heavy drinking and the consumption of an entire (raw) prize winning leek roughly 2 seconds before he passed out. | justbecky | 31 May 2007 | 3.8333 |
| Yes, a rice-giant the size of Jupiter is unlikely to be found. | Me and Ian at work, going off at rather a tangent on how many grains of rice you get if you double the number for each square on a chess-board... | gothick | 1 Jun 2007 | 4.5000 |
| You can't extract honey from your arse, no bee would go up there. | hal to rowly after the sarky bastard claimed this as the reason for making a horrible polystyrene squeak whilst apparently "extracting" honey! Hmmnnn. | halandrowly | 1 Jun 2007 | 5.0000 |
| Today you bear an uncanny resemblance to a banana. | lanial | 14 Jun 2007 | 4.0000 | |
| Of course that icecube doesn't make you look cancerous! | ReggaeMorning | 20 Jun 2007 | 4.0000 | |
| The monkeys stormed in, and took all our articles. | My drunk friend who works for a newspaper. | grillashoozbang | 22 Jun 2007 | 3.7500 |
| You look like a Gorilla's impression of an Earwig. | A gorilla said this to me. I swear it did. I was wearing an Earwig costume. | grillashoozbang | 22 Jun 2007 | 4.2500 |
| Can you fit that teapot down your dress? | From the weekend, at a Ringtons Do, my Cousin Susi and I were nicking the Teapots! | carojohnson | 22 Jun 2007 | 4.0000 |
| I'm off to trim my spiders | Whilst speaking to one of the other lodgers I explained that I was off to trim my spiders, but then had to explain that my spider plants getting out of control! | carojohnson | 22 Jun 2007 | 4.5000 |
| You can't make bees as funny as penguins unless you're Eddie Izzard. | While discussing unique sentences with Hal and Rowly. Okay, so it's a bit "meta", but hey... | gothick | 26 Jun 2007 | 3.5000 |
| Don't expect me to live for the rest of my life! | He "who must be obeyed" was making his best argument for another beer. | TheKid | 26 Jun 2007 | 4.5000 |
| Ouch! I just got third degree burns from your titties. | Giving nekkid hugs after cuddling recently kettle-filled hot water bottle is, it seems, not advisable. | Kavey | 29 Jun 2007 | 4.0000 |
| He's shot himself in the foot and now he's taking us with him! | Overheard at work | fatallogic | 29 Jun 2007 | 3.3333 |
| I want all the chair-pads in the world! | Overheard in IKEA! | gothick | 1 Jul 2007 | 4.3333 |
| Life's got enough responsibilities without having to look after rubber-topped pencils | Groom, on his wedding day, being asked to look after something by his son | gothick | 8 Jul 2007 | 4.0000 |
| I'm never putting wax anywhere near my shallots! | Georgina Sowerby, of the Sowerby and Luff Show, discussing a man being expelled from a vegetable show for excessive shallot-waxing(!) | gothick | 11 Jul 2007 | 3.0000 |
| Now that's a niche piñata! | On seeing a unicorn piñata at a wedding... | gothick | 18 Jul 2007 | 4.3333 |
| We've all got chairs of doom behind us! | Said after the second person had fallen backwards off a chair at a tapas restaurant which had a table rather too close to a step that ran the length of the floor... | gothick | 18 Jul 2007 | 4.0000 |
| You've given me big duck disappointment! | Said by Weezie after I raised her expectations of photographing a duck, only to cruelly dash them an instant later. Yeah, I'm evil, me. | gothick | 18 Jul 2007 | 3.6667 |
| Who'd iron a monkey? | seriously the label says do not iron who needs that advice. | halandrowly | 19 Jul 2007 | 4.7500 |
| Heads don't have bottoms. | Having referred to a headrest as a headseat, I said it was because you seat your head on one. This was the response. | Kavey | 20 Jul 2007 | 3.7500 |
| Is it tomorrow in the morning? | Said by Mia (age 6), especially funny, since she uses the phrase "in the morning" to mean tomorrow. So really, she's saying "is it tomorrow tomorrow?" | smarvell | 25 Jul 2007 | 4.5000 |
| Squeeze the balls really tight before you put glue on them. | Primary school art lesson involving a tissue paper collage. | abbie | 26 Jul 2007 | 3.8000 |
| You're the post I hit my nuts on when I slide down the bannister! | gothick | 29 Jul 2007 | 3.4000 | |
| I am itching my tongue because I tickled it when I was buzzing. | Perhaps grown women should not impersonate flies. | Kavey | 8 Aug 2007 | 4.3333 |
| Don't you think your time would be better spent working than trying to show me mole bouncing? | Well he has got a really big project to finish by september | halandrowly | 11 Aug 2007 | 3.7500 |
| My head feels like Marmite | Sometimes my beloved comes out with the strangest things when she's on the edge of sleep... | ganders | 21 Aug 2007 | 4.0000 |
| You can't wear jeans with real numbers in the pockets, because they do the math themself. | My girlfriend woke me up very early one morning, and these were the first words out of my mouth. I then went right back to sleep. I'm glad she reminded me later! | vermonohue | 21 Aug 2007 | 4.4000 |
| I really shouldn't buy my therapists flat-pack from IKEA | Debating the dubious value of cheap psychotherapy | gothick | 25 Aug 2007 | 4.0000 |
| There's definite teddy-bear fear in lions | Tanya, on discussing the value of taking a teddy-bear on Safari with you | gothick | 25 Aug 2007 | 3.3333 |
| Pass me the air-head. | Kavey | 3 Sep 2007 | 3.6000 | |
| Lots of sheep or maybe mushrooms; not sure. | Pointing into a field whilst driving by. | Kavey | 3 Sep 2007 | 3.5000 |
| I'm not biting your chin, I'm scratching my tongue. | Hairy chins are good scratching tools. | Kavey | 11 Sep 2007 | 3.2500 |
| If you could afford a pyramid you wouldn't be using dial-up. | I was looking at an ebay store that sold Egyptian items - in amongst their categories of jewellery and papyrus they had one for network cables. (via LJ friend azhure, quoting her husband...) | gothick | 14 Oct 2007 | 4.2500 |
| Don't wipe my ghost in your rotten pumpkin! | Said during a cleanup operation after a small Hallowe'en decoration disaster. | gothick | 31 Oct 2007 | 4.2500 |
| You can tell he's drunk because he looks like he's being played in reverse. | Said by Maurice, of the very, very drunk Steve 'I'm not drunk' Marvell | gothick | 19 Nov 2007 | 3.6667 |
| Now all I have to do is find some lemur spacesuits on Ebay and my life is complete... | From Pete in response to an LJ post and comments. | Kavey | 21 Nov 2007 | 4.3333 |
| Give me a goddamn pair of knickers to put between our chins! | It's the first thing I could think of when his stubbly beard was giving me stubble burn and I knew there was a basket of clean knickers by the foot of the bed!!!!! | Kavey | 22 Nov 2007 | 4.6667 |
| If you could just rub your face on my keyboard that would be great! | My colleague, on my commenting that I wouldn't be partaking in the 'tea pool' that week with having a stinking cold. His thinking being that if he couldn't touch his keyboard he could go home. | perdita | 12 Dec 2007 | 3.6667 |
| If you want to make a bid for tea-based martyrdom, who am I to argue? | Me, on colleague Neil's insistence on making me a cup of tea so that he could get the largest round ever... | gothick | 13 Dec 2007 | 4.0000 |
| Just wait a sec while I check to see if my Slug is responding. | showing a colleague my subversion setup on a NSLU2 (Slug) | ianadavies | 13 Dec 2007 | 3.5000 |
| Exterminez-vous! Je suis demi-garlic demi-homme! | Attempting to do a Bill Bailey sketch; the dalek bit went a bit awry! | Kavey | 15 Dec 2007 | 3.3333 |
| Get your trousers out of the cheese, Stu! | Too much wine and post-Christmas games playing! | Agglida | 28 Dec 2007 | 3.3333 |
| I'm sorry to have gender-sterotyped you, Ms. Cactus. | After someone accused me of making assumptions when I called a cactus "Mr. Cactus." | gothick | 31 Dec 2007 | 3.5000 |
| But there's no salt in pepper! | Talking to one of my pregnant co-workers about salt and pepper. Well, she is pregnant! | carojohnson | 9 Jan 2008 | 3.6667 |
| Strangely, if you drink it with Texas barbecue Pringles, it tastes just like ginger beer. | Hal, on non-alcoholic Bucks FIzz | gothick | 12 Mar 2008 | 3.6667 |
| You can't throw toast at the Lion King! | André Powell, discussing the relative merits of certain musicals | gothick | 15 Mar 2008 | 4.0000 |
| That's nonsense, the wee will form whilst we're cleaning our teeth and stuff | the merits of whether or not to sit and wait for our tea to come through first or just to head straight for teeth cleaning, strangely wqe've opted for the former cos the wee is forming as i type | halandrowly | 27 Mar 2008 | 4.0000 |
| My Toad is running like a Dog | Mentioned by a colleague when he noticed his Toad installation was running a bit slow | ianadavies | 10 Apr 2008 | 4.3333 |
| He was the only slightly famous black person I could think of apart from Bing Crosby | He meant Bill Crosby | halandrowly | 21 Apr 2008 | 3.2500 |
| Kylie Minogue is not going to come racing out of my belly button no matter how much you might like her to! | Pete is convinced I have a bottomless belly button. When I pointed out that it doesn't come out through my back he decided it must be a wormhole and probably came out in Australia. | Kavey | 2 May 2008 | 4.6667 |
| What I need is an optimal lid-matching algorithm | Benjohn, trying to find a cover for his saucepan | gothick | 7 May 2008 | 3.6667 |
| So that's the reason so many people get eaten by snakes -- the lack of duvet covers in the jungle | Discussing the advice of throwing a duvet cover over a snake in the event of an attack | gothick | 7 May 2008 | 4.0000 |
| Yes, I did give the dog a footie rub with lotion; what's wrong with that? | (As submitted by D.D., via email.) | gothick | 12 May 2008 | 3.3333 |
| She was very pleased with her bendy lamp-post | Su, on having helped her daughter find an engineering example for her Physics GCSE... | gothick | 20 May 2008 | 3.6667 |
| That made my head blink. | After receiving a head massage... | Kavey | 20 May 2008 | 3.3333 |
| Even with my ear in your armpit you don't feel cold? | I was feeling cold. Pete wasn't. My ear, to me, felt particularly cold so I put it in the aforementioned armpit to warm it up. | Kavey | 20 May 2008 | 3.6667 |
| It feels like tic-tacs all over my head - orange ones! | Whilst receiving another head massage... | Kavey | 20 May 2008 | 4.0000 |
| It is merely a three-dimensional projection of a multi-dimensional belly-button. | Pete is still convinced I have a bottomless belly-button or perhaps one that is a portal to other dimensions or universes or something. This quote came some weeks after the previous belly-button one. | Kavey | 20 May 2008 | 4.0000 |
| If you're drinking anything green, you've probably lost | Discussing drinking games, and Midori in particular | gothick | 1 Jun 2008 | 3.0000 |
| Is he wireless, or should he be tethered to the toaster? | Said by Pete, on the usage of André as a toasting slave | gothick | 1 Jun 2008 | 4.3333 |
| I can't drink tea from a chocolate éclair! | Dave, on the discovery that there were plenty of éclairs to go around, but only half as many big mugs as people | gothick | 1 Jun 2008 | 4.0000 |
| I don't think you can pull off "rugged" with an inflatable pillow | Pete, refuting my assertion that I didn't look "cute" using Kavey's inflatable travel pillow | gothick | 1 Jun 2008 | 3.6667 |
| I took the poorly sea monster to the syntax error shop to see if they could make it run | A colleague describing a strange dream he once had | ianadavies | 12 Jun 2008 | 4.0000 |
| Is there a reason you are standing in the kitchen doing a morris dance with your knickers? | I happened to be excited about something, elated even. So I started jigging, waving the knickers I was holding (as I'd been about to put them on) in circles in time with the music (which was fully in my head). And Pete came in, looked at me in disbelief and uttered the quote. | Kavey | 22 Jul 2008 | 4.0000 |
| You are the bellybutton mafia! | OK it's two sentences. The first being an accusation from my husband. The second being my slow, delighted response as I accepted and agreed with the accusation. | Kavey | 22 Jul 2008 | 2.7500 |
| My knees are geniuses | Damn. Lily said this, but I can't remember why. I think it was an excellent catch, made completely unconsciously by her knees :) | gothick | 6 Aug 2008 | 3.7500 |
| Having a cheese-fiend for a daughter would make me so proud | John, after some food-based experimentation with young Catherine | gothick | 6 Aug 2008 | 3.0000 |
| Your balls are so knackered they've evaporated! | Curses. My memory's let me down on the context; I just know it was said during the group holiday and it made it into my notebook... | gothick | 6 Aug 2008 | 4.0000 |
| Don't compare my bottom with doughnuts | Said by Bexxi; as submitted by André. | gothick | 18 Aug 2008 | 3.0000 |
| Transparent people sitting in semi-transparent chairs -- what more could you want? | Said by James, on viewing the chair adverts on http://hag.no. | gothick | 2 Sep 2008 | 3.3333 |
| He's driving his green right-angle. | From his shape sorter. | halandrowly | 25 Sep 2008 | 4.3333 |
| When Emmeline tells me if I'm shooting some bread, then I'll let you know if I need a rain-check. | Discussing a product photography session that might have got in the way of a social engagement | gothick | 9 Oct 2008 | 3.2500 |
| What I'd really like to see is the hamster and the Gummi-bear dancing together. | Hey, it's from Kavey. She's the mother-lode of unique sentences. | gothick | 25 Oct 2008 | 3.3333 |
| I've never seen an armpit pucker so. | Google "sour patch candy", for images. Open that image in the first page of results. (You'll figure out which one). Husband will then make tongue-in-cheek suggestion that "it" is possibly an armpit. | Kavey | 25 Oct 2008 | 3.3333 |
| That giraffe is actually two Petes high. | Said by Gothick. Pete as a unit of measurement. | Kavey | 25 Oct 2008 | 4.0000 |
| My fiancée gets annoyed every time I get the mannequin out of the garage. | No, Mark really said that in part of a normal conversation. This is the kind of lifestyle mark leads. | gothick | 6 Nov 2008 | 3.3333 |
| If you have any issues, talk to the balloon. | Said by my manager, on revealing that the balloon festooning his desk was to celebrate his sponsorship of a new IT project. | gothick | 12 Nov 2008 | 3.3333 |
| I thought that was Mr T. but it's actually the Queen | The eyes don't focus as fast as they used to. | halandrowly | 22 Nov 2008 | 4.3333 |
| The chair hasn't got cooties from the future, you know!" | A colleague avoided using a chair because an unpleasant co-worker was going to be sitting in it a week *later*... | gothick | 27 Nov 2008 | 4.6667 |
| There is a croissant-shaped hole in my universe! | Discussing the terrible consequences of forgetting one's breakfast pastry. | gothick | 15 Dec 2008 | 3.6667 |
| We don't chase you around the back of the sofa to watch you poo! | Hal talking to her 2 year old son, because he was trying to follow his Dad into the loo. | halandrowly | 8 Jan 2009 | 4.0000 |
| I was 20 every day for a week once. | Said by Lil Mape. | Kavey | 6 Feb 2009 | 3.0000 |
| Sometimes I call my daddy muller yoghurt in bed. | Lots Mape. | Kavey | 6 Feb 2009 | 4.0000 |
| As long as Mark doesn't use me as a joystick. | Said by Pete Favelle when trying out Mape wii fit. | Kavey | 6 Feb 2009 | 3.3333 |
| Where are you juicy juicy gander? | Thea Mape. | Kavey | 6 Feb 2009 | 2.6667 |
| Just imagine you've got to draw a circle with a pen attached to your penis - go around in circles with your penis. | I was trying to teach Pete how to hula hoop. | Kavey | 6 Feb 2009 | 2.6667 |
| Does the badger in the sombrero have a particular aversion to butter? | It's a long story. But this was the moment when the fictional badger who was meant to distract me from seeing my birthday presents made a reappearance in the kitchen conversation... | gothick | 15 Feb 2009 | 4.6667 |
| I have velvet cloths inside my head. | I was just drifting off to sleep. I suspect my brain had already switched to weird dream mode. | Kavey | 27 Feb 2009 | 3.7500 |
| You licked the honey off my keypad? | Me, after a Kavey-related culinary accident. | gothick | 28 Mar 2009 | 3.6667 |
| Am I an alien in a Kavey suit? | Kavey | 15 Apr 2009 | 3.0000 | |
| Is it okay for me to infect the batteries? | Anna, who was banned from cooking due to illness, tries to discover what safer tasks she can handle. | gothick | 20 Apr 2009 | 3.2500 |
| You almost made me snort my nostrils inside out! | No idea, it's on the post-it pad I keep by my bed to note down odd things I say when I realise afterwards they are odder than intended and know I'll forget by morning! | Kavey | 23 May 2009 | 3.5000 |
| The question is, would you still cuddle me if I were a human mushroom? | Kavey | 25 May 2009 | 4.6667 | |
| So you're saying that penguins are more like bellybuttons than fannies are? | Kavey | 25 May 2009 | 3.6667 | |
| I'm glad you stuck to my guns! | I'd come with an idea but hadn't stuck to my guns, however Pete stuck to them for me, and pushed for said idea! Made perfect sense to me! | Kavey | 25 May 2009 | 2.6667 |
| Do you think they can do that in the future yet? | Kavey | 25 May 2009 | 3.5000 | |
| Never strike up a conversation with someone who might want you to show them your poo. | On discussing scary "nutritionists". | gothick | 10 Jun 2009 | 4.0000 |
| Once small Italian men start licking their lips at you, it's time to call it a night. | A description of a not-entirely-lovely evening in Walkabout by my colleague Sian. | gothick | 5 Jul 2009 | 4.0000 |
| Oh, no, it won't be a fiasco -- Pete Doherty's going to be there. | Mark Steel, "What's Going On" (p96) | gothick | 5 Jul 2009 | 3.5000 |
| I want to do blackberries on the kudu! | Talk about the difference a word makes. What I actually said was "I want to do blackberries and on to the kudu" meaning I wanted to go blackberry picking first and then onto the butcher we'd seen advertising kudu steaks. But the above is what Pete heard, and it then got repeated back. | Kavey | 29 Aug 2009 | 3.5000 |
| My name is Indigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to be dyed. | Pete and I were bantering in the car, I cannot for the life of me remember how our conversation ended up referencing both the film and dye colours but we both blurted this bastardised quote out together - which was more than a little freaky, given we both made it up as we said it! | Kavey | 29 Aug 2009 | 4.3333 |
| We're thinking horse first, but we'll have the Parthenon as a backup. | Four high school teachers were discussing what to sculpt out of Little Debbie treats. | abrown | 6 Nov 2009 | 4.3333 |
| I apologise; despite appearances, it is actually quite a complex hat. | My colleague Fraser takes the mickey out of our colleague Steph for her inability to put on a party hat. He then tries it himself, and fails. Scary fact: we were all at our desks, sober. | gothick | 3 Dec 2009 | 3.5000 |
| He squirted Cromalin on me, so I threw his Crime Scene tape out the window. | Both of my sons had asthma and used a nebulizer, into which one had to add a dose of the liquid drug Cromalin, which came in twist-top squeezable plastic ampoules. One son had a penchant for outrageous objects, one of which was a roll of the yellow tape used by police to surround a crime scene. | BettyBoop | 20 Mar 2010 | 3.3333 |
| I thought I'd at least take the underwear off the ceiling fans. | Trying to explain why I'd be late for work---the landlord was going to come into my house with an appraiser, and the house was a mess. Boss thought it wasn't necessary to clean up, so this was the most disgraceful thing I could think of if a stranger is coming to my house. (Wasn't true, of course.) | BettyBoop | 20 Mar 2010 | 2.6667 |
| It's like banging my head against a brick window. | Frustration in the office caused Danielle Nelson to utter these immortal words. | Phooto | 30 Mar 2010 | 4.0000 |
| If insanity is close to genius, then I am clearly close to genius. | this is one of my very own. You work it out. | Phooto | 30 Mar 2010 | 3.0000 |
| It's raining outside, you know - that wet rain. | my cousin, Vanessa Bowerman, really referring to 'fine rain', but we took her literally of course. | Phooto | 30 Mar 2010 | 4.0000 |
| I use cat poo as a tiger repellent in our garden. It works perfectly. | Phooto | 30 Mar 2010 | 3.3333 | |
| There are three certainties in life, death, taxes and hard disk failure. | The importance of backups. | Phooto | 31 Mar 2010 | 3.0000 |
| If my dad taught me anything, it's "never prod a unicorn." | gothick | 20 Jun 2010 | 4.5000 | |
| I'm way too old for a pirate on my arse! | Discussing Kavey's diamante skull-and-crossbones jeans embellishments. | gothick | 8 Aug 2010 | 4.5000 |
| Oh shit, I got cheese in the pen! | Said after stabbing a disemboweled pen into a slice of cheese. (<< also unique) (Ed: Submitted by Tom, via email) | Anonymous | 1 Oct 2010 | 3.0000 |
| I'm pretty sure Death is savoury... | I quoted Eddie Izzard's Cake or Death sketch. Most people responded that they'd like cake, but one asked for something savoury instead. This was another's response! ~said by Jennie of allthethingsieat.blogspot.com | Kavey | 13 Jan 2011 | 4.0000 |
| Your hand is not a pigeon homed on my fanny, you know. | (Submitted anonymously) | Anonymous | 16 Apr 2011 | 4.0000 |
| He was expressing his displeasure at the risotto through the medium of contemporary dance. | Harry, explaining to Zach what his little brother Fred was doing. | gothick | 17 Apr 2011 | 5.0000 |
| I think dinosaur willies are a bit more discreet than humans' are | I was talking to my 4 year old. | halandrowly | 28 Apr 2011 | 5.0000 |
| I've got out my meta bunting. | Benjohn, discussing alternatives to the Royal Wedding on Twitter (http://twitter.com/benjohnbarnes/status/63875596471644160) | gothick | 29 Apr 2011 | 0 |
| Also, the danger of unregulated ukulele-playing in the Low Countries now abated. | As said on Twitter by Neil Gaiman, after the release of his wife by the Dutch police. | gothick | 11 May 2011 | 0 |
| Do they have some new breed of calm bonsai swan I've not previously encountered? | Erm. A conversation in Baristas with someone heading off to feed the swans. Can't remember how they described them to prompt my response, though. | gothick | 14 Jun 2011 | 5.0000 |
| I do not have semtex tits. | I had my TENS machine on. On going out to lunch, took machine off and hid leads in my bra so didn't look like a suicide bomber! The conversation went on from there... | Kavey | 7 Nov 2011 | 5.0000 |
| I've always felt slightly sorry for left-handed Nazis. | Kavey, on the problems of wrong-handed saluting. | gothick | 15 Nov 2011 | 5.0000 |
| At least your seals will be nicely tanned. | Me to my colleague Mark at work, after he grudgingly accepted delivery of a package of replacement window seals that had had fake tan from someone else's parcel leak over it. I really didn't expect that to be my first sentence of the day. | gothick | 28 Sep 2012 | 5.0000 |
| @BrendanLarvor: I found my sheepskin cap in the shadow of my cajón | I thought I'd lost my winter hat, but then I found it | Brendan | 7 Dec 2012 | 0 |
| Damn you and your non-euphemistic cloakroom | I suggested to JoW that the cloakroom might actually be a room full of cloaks. | gothick | 28 Aug 2013 | 5.0000 |
| I'm not nearly drunk enough to knife-fight an inflatable penguin. | Had had a couple beers while out to dinner with my husband, and on the way home pointed out some inflatable Christmas decorations, which I hate. He jokingly suggested that after we put the kids in bed we go back out with knives to deflate them, to which I gave this response. | ekissick | 13 Dec 2013 | 5.0000 |
| The last thing you need is your beard being shaved by a primordial ooze. | The conversation down the pub moved onto primordial oozes | PaulJ | 23 Feb 2014 | 5.0000 |
| I'm not filtering a wart through my mustache | Another pub conversation. This time about the advantages of facial hair in stopping items getting as far as the mouth. | PaulJ | 23 Feb 2014 | 4.0000 |
| I'm not doing semicolons at this time of night. | We usually make a note of our unique sentences. This onewas uttered in response to criticism of not properly recording a different unique sentence. | PaulJ | 23 Feb 2014 | 5.0000 |
| What you want is a hat made by Midas and Canute which would turn raindrops into gold. | Russ, upon realizing that it was raining and he was about to get a wet head. | PaulJ | 23 Feb 2014 | 4.0000 |
| I'm not the Venn diagram of rappers and judges. | Russ, seemingly confusing music and the judicial system, in yet another pub conversation. | PaulJ | 23 Feb 2014 | 5.0000 |
| I think the aliens might get a bit miffed if you went around painting the outside of their Dyson spheres white. | More pub based conversational tomfoolery. Having rapidly exhausted our knowledge of the physics of such objects we moved onto more practical matters. Such as what colour it would end up if it was made of mushed up bits of the solar system, and how much nicer it would be if it were white. | PaulJ | 24 Feb 2014 | 5.0000 |
| Chinese people should give birth to chickens so the girls would have a better chance of survival. | Whilst pondering the problems of male chickens not having a very long life expectancy, Oggie solves this and the issue of Chinese families preferring male children in one neat stroke. | PaulJ | 24 Feb 2014 | 4.0000 |
| Why is this Geordie Darth Vader from Somerset? | Russ tries to do a Star Wars impression with a Geordie accent. And fails. | PaulJ | 24 Feb 2014 | 5.0000 |
| Coco-pop pie would be improved by gravy. | Paul offering proof, if it were ever needed, that all pies are improved by gravy. And probably by the removal of coco-pops. | PaulJ | 24 Feb 2014 | 4.0000 |
| And then you enter, legally buttered up. | The pub conversation moves onto wormholes and whether it would be a legal requirement to be lubricated to speed progress through one. | PaulJ | 5 Mar 2014 | 5.0000 |
| Its got a crumpet bung and a bagel superstructure. | Oggie considers the use of bread as a possible material for wormhole construction. | PaulJ | 5 Mar 2014 | 4.0000 |
| You'd have to invent sandpaper while you were still a fish. | More pub nonsense, this time pondering how life would be able to evolve out of the sea in a friction free universe. Surely the fish would just slide over the land and straight back into the sea. | PaulJ | 5 Mar 2014 | 5.0000 |
| You can't just reclassify Mars as a meteorite because it's a longer word than planet. | Paul is not convinced by Tim's attempt to rewrite the planetary pantheon. | PaulJ | 5 Mar 2014 | 4.0000 |
| You could toast a kilt with a fork like that. | Russ, worrying about sharing a room with a Scotsman. | PaulJ | 13 Apr 2014 | 5.0000 |
| I believe he did that via the medium of trowel. | Oggie was recounting a tale of a loud party which a neighbor decided to vent his frustration at by throwing a trowel through the window. | PaulJ | 13 Apr 2014 | 5.0000 |
| I just got craneflied, but I hit it with my bunny. | Uttered upon finding oneself in the flight path of a daddy-long-legs, and swatting it with a two-year-old's stuffed toy. | talkie_tim | 20 Sep 2014 | 5.0000 |
| That doesn't make me a sex chimp. | He's a father of two. | talkie_tim | 15 Nov 2014 | 3.0000 |
| Flamingos are not very much like tomatoes, it is true! | On writing about pink flamingos (as if there were any other colour, but still), I got confused about the plural and was muttering, out loud it seems, since Pete responded thus. | Kavey | 14 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| I don't believe there's any such genre as folky acoustic wallaby | Music discussions plus beer tend to shoot off at odd angles. | PaulJ | 21 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| So your friends have got better personality and less clap, but do I care? | Oggie defends his choice of friends in a beer fueled debate. | PaulJ | 21 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| My backside is permanently imprinted on a Japanese database. | Russ regales us all with a tale of a Japanese toilet with on-board video camera. | PaulJ | 21 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| My phrase will be significantly more useful as long as the bear speaks Danish. | Discussion of our very minimal grasp of most foreign languages and the very rare circumstances where the one or two phrases may prove useful. | PaulJ | 21 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| The best thing about paint is that you don't have to paint it to see what colour it is. | Explaining the benefits of having the colour on the lid | PaulJ | 21 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| It's not my meatball it's my hourglass. | Oggie discusses his wiggly hands and thought processes. | PaulJ | 21 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| He's surfing along the aspergers rainbow. | Oggie finds a colorful way to describe a colleague. | PaulJ | 21 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| I can use this sock as a crush zone. | Trying to minimise opportunities for breaking items in a suitcase. | PaulJ | 21 Mar 2015 | 0 |
| Coffee tastes better from an annoyed elephant. | I have no idea. I just found this in my notebook; from the context it was either said during an Instagram worldwide photo walk or on a permaculture farm in Somerset. | gothick | 26 Apr 2015 | 0 |
| I don't think you can eat magma with chopsticks | Well, Drake said it on a group holiday to Islay, but I really can't remember how it came about :) | gothick | 25 Sep 2015 | 5.0000 |